you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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