He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
