It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
