Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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