I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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