Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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