he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
