ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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