my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
