this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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