True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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