thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
