i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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