fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
