I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
