too bad you live with your parents still
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
