Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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