So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
