I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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