I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
