sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
