Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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