My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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