you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
