We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And then he peed in my hair
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