garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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