Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
