Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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