I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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