It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
