We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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