Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
