Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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