I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
