You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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