I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
