We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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