My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
