Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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