five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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