I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
