Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
