I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
