Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
