You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
