Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
