So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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