I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
