did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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