he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
