I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
