I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
