Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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