its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
