I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
