Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
